In November, I did the daily thanksgiving status update on facebook and I wrote this to celebrate National Adoption Month: "I am thankful, beyond measure, for the woman who made the near impossible decision over 35 years ago to put my life in the hands of a family who could and would provide for me in a way that she was unable. As a mother myself, I now know that everyday she must think about me and wonder what I look like, what I have become. I cannot even begin to imagine that feeling. I hope she has peace in her heart because I have a beautiful life, every detail of which is different and better because of what she did all those years ago. Because of her I have an amazing family and extended family (shout out to the Nelsons!) who welcomed me and have loved me through every step of my life. I wish the same for anyone else who experiences adoption." I copy it here because these words still reflect my heart's feelings on the subject of adoption, particularly mine. I could not be more thankful for the selfless decision this woman made to give me a chance at a life she thought I deserved. Her gift reminds me daily how lucky I am to be able to hold and love my babies all the time. I don't have to wonder what they did today or what they look like. I get to experience life with them and watch them grow! She has taught me that you may not always know the impact (good or bad) you have on someone else. She has affected my life beyond comprehension, but she will probably never hear that or truly know the extent of it. As a result, I think we should always act in a manner that leaves the impression you want to leave, not some unintended negative impact. I like to think that her decision reminds me to act in the best interest of others at times, even when it's hard to do. I also think that through her experience, I am reminded that you don't know someone's story just by looking at them. I hope to teach this to my children and remind them that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. You just never know what's going on in people's lives.
Speaking of not knowing what's going on in people's lives (rough transition, I know), this is Julia, my adopted mom, and me circa 1978(ish).
Julia (everyone called her Julie) had a lot going on in her life, that I, as a little one ,didn't know and didn't need to know. Nonetheless, what I do know is that she went to great pains to get me! The adoption process is not a fast, easy or cheap one--something about not just letting any Joe Blow off the street have a baby, but she and my dad persevered and went through it twice. Lucky me that the first time went well enough that they were willing to do it again. Julie was sick, a lot, when I was little, which ultimately led to her passing at age 38. But, you know what I think was so cool about her? She always had a smile and hugs for me. I knew that she was sick, but I never knew she was in pain. She always had a happy face and didn't put her problems on us. Now, maybe that's the spotty memory of a now thirty-something trying to recall up to age 6, but I really think she never wanted us to see her hurt. A totally different aspect of strength than what my birth mother possessed, but still one that I find valuable to have witnessed. I know I will have bad days and really awful moments. I also know that it is okay for my kids to see me cry, but there are a lot of things in this world that children shouldn't have to experience or even know. Their time to be grown ups will come. Childhood should remain an innocent playground for imagination and fun. I know to not put my adult burdens on our kids. Admittedly, this is the hate part of Mother's Day for me--although I have a wonderful life and am deeply blessed by all that I have, I miss Julie, particularly on Mother's Day. I have plenty to celebrate on this day, both in the fantastic mothers I know, and in my life as a mother. Nonetheless, I wish that she had had more Mother's Day to celebrate and be told how amazing she was.
Finally, this is Darla.
Darla is a brave woman. Having not had kids of her own, she still ventured into a marriage with a man who had two young ones! Darla has been a shining example of a professional woman who still managed to make it to softball games, choir and band concerts, etc. I know that much of my own independence and belief that I can do it all (or at least should be able to) come from the example she set. She is a smart woman who took on quite a challenge 25+ years ago and I am so glad she did. Talk about strength! Life with us Bargers was not always easy. Our relationship has progressed from parent/child to adult friends, and I love having her in my life. Oh, and she's a natural at the whole grandmother thing. Man, those kids love her! I hope that I can raise Justus and Delaney to see the same strong and loving example that I did, and that they both know that the things going on in their lives are very important to me.
So, you see, I am a very, very lucky girl. Three outstanding women, all influencing the kind of woman and mother I am. Of course, we are all influenced by those around us. I just sort of think I hit the mother jackpot in that they are all pretty special ladies, and I get to celebrate them all on the same day. And this is not even going into grandmothers, great-grandmothers etc.
Tomorrow (and every day, really) I will revel in the joy of me being a mother, but today, I just want to give a very special thanks and Happy Mother's Day to these three amazing ladies and all the other MOMs in the world who affect people in ways you can't even imagine. YOU ARE SO LOVED AND APPRECIATED!!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment