Remarkably Royal: The Help - in a different time and place

Let me preface with the fact that I read so much in my career, that I hardly ever read for pleasure anymore. I love to read (at least I did), but between the time I spend staring at pages upon pages of words during the day, and my inclination to automatically doze off once everyone is home, dinner is done, kids are in bed, the house is sort of picked up in preparation for the next day, and I finally sit down....well, let's just say I can't remember the last book I read in its entirety. There are several that I have started, and I think they are all probably pretty good. But I wouldn't know, because I never finished them. Sad, I know. I was an English major, so this has been hard for me, but I am finding it's the trade-off for being a lawyer. At least one with small kids.

Having said that, I have been dying to see The Help. We don't get to the movies very often, and I think the one time while it was out that we did, I just didn't feel like crying. And, I heard you cry. A lot. Pretty sure we Kidd opted for Rise of the Planet of the Apes instead. I'm not going to discuss that. Anyway, we finally got to rent The Help Saturday night, and I must say, it was AMAZING! Kidd loved it too (why does he doubt me??). Talk about getting so many mixed emotions going at once. Wow. It got me thinking. About a lot really, but specifically, about the help we had growing up.

For those of you that don't know, my mom passed away when I was six and my brother was 11. To say that my dad worked full-time would be a gross understatement. My mom stayed home. It was obvioulsy a difficult time for me then; but now, with the retrospect of a grown, married, woman raising my own kids, I cannot even begin to imagine the void this left in my dad's life, and the burden he faced on top of a terrible loss. Clearly, he was not equipped to do this by himself. We had help in the form of grandmothers that was so appreciated, but that was no long term solution. So, he hired The Help.

Our first "housekeeper", as we called them, was actually a cousin named Elizabeth. I loved her. She was young, fun, and it was great just having another girl in the house. I don't remember how long Elizabeth was with us, but eventually she moved on and another one came, and another, and another. At one point, I noted to someone that we'd had more housekeepers than the Von Trapp family (this will make sense for you Sound of Music afficionados). By my count at one point, a total of 19 women entered and exited our lives between the time I was six and 16. Some stayed for years, so it makes you wonder about the others. I think the one who stayed for the shortest amount of time was with us only 3 hours. Never even moved her stuff in. I believe there was something about a bird, that was not mentioned until the day she was set to start. We were not bird people.

The review of this cycle in my head led me to consider it in comparison to The Help as portrayed in the movie. In many cases, these women stayed with their employing family for years and years. Sometimes, raising generations of the same family. They did not live in the homes, probably for the same pathetic and illogical reasons they were not allowed to use the same toilets the families did, but they did raise those babies and keep those houses in order. Really--where's the logic? You are not good enough to sit on the same toilet upon which I sit, but I expect you to raise my baby (which invariable requires touching, holding, cleaning, kissing, feeding), clean my house, and prepare my food. Sure, makes perfect sense! In a world that made no sense, I guess it did. They were paid next to nothing and treated like trash so often, but they were the heart and soul and influence on those impressionable young children. As Mae Mobley said to Aibileen at one point in the movie, "You are my real mama." Their touch upon a household was felt every day in every way, all the while their bosses made an inexplicable effort to treat them as though they didn't exist. These bosses, who were deemed the pillars of society. Note: I am ignoring the fact that the villaness in the movie is president of the Junior League. She'd never make it in our League (although, I think Skeeter would have fit in nicely)!

Our housekeepers may have lived with us, cooked our meals, chauffered me around to my various activities, run the errands needed, grocery shopped, and been at the house to meet the cable guy or other service tech, but they were no substitute for the parenting that was done in our house. My parents were at every softball game, every choir concert, every band concert, every volleyball game, helped me with my homework, disciplined me, loved me, and parented me. I think some of our housekeepers loved me, but I never looked at them as having a more important role in my life than my parents. And now, if pressed, I couldn't tell you half of their names. I'm sure it wasn't always the ideal situation (obviously, or there wouldn't have been so many), but good for my parents for structuring it in a way that gave them somebody to take care of all the household things that needed to be taken care of, so that they could work their very busy jobs and parent. Maybe it is because it's another time and place, but that makes more sense to me than hearing my child cry, only to send someone else to respond while I sit there doing nothing. Our help truly was a "house" keeper.

Now to a new time and place. I often joke that I need "a wife like me" to help. I do have a bi-weekly cleaning woman, but I would love to have someone cook, run errands, grocery shop, straighten the house, etc. so that I could spend more time doing fun stuff. And, by fun stuff, I mean hanging out with my family all day. We do have help. We have tremendous help. We aren't quite (and probably never will be) ready to have live-in assistance, nor do we have someone who takes care of our children while we whisk away to our more *important* lives. Alas, I continue to be the primary errand-runner for our household, but we have wonderful young ladies who help. I may have mentioned a time or two that we have great sitters for our kids. And we do! We are blessed with amazing young women who truly love our children, babysit for us when they could be out doing more age-appropriate things, bring our children safely home from daycare, attend birthday parties, and the list goes on. They are our Help and they are every bit as important to our family and livelihood as the Help in the movie, because they allow us to function in the way we need that best suits our family situation. We parent our children (as it should be), but it is beyond comforting to know that if something happens in the middle of the night, we have someone to call who knows our kids well enough that we can leave them with this person without a shred of concern that any need might not be met. The toughest part is that they are usually college students, and they go and move away (yes, Maurcie and now Meagan, I'm talking about you!).

I guess in different generations the idea of the Help is different. I am relieved that the blood-boiling situations presented in the movie are no longer the acceptable norm. Even more, I am relieved that I was not raised with that as an example of appropriateness. I liked what I had growing up, but could have done without the live-in person in our house. Presently, we have what works for us. I love that these ladies are a part of our family, they know they are always welcome, the kids always love seeing them, they are all on Justus' prayer list every night, but we are still the most important grown-ups in our kids' lives. With that, I send a HUGE shout out of thanks to Meagan, Shanon, and Maurcie for all they have done and continue to do for our little family!! Please know that you are more than just The Help to us. We love you girls!

Maurcie moved away awhile ago, and I don't have any pictures I can find of her with the kiddos (note to Maurcie--we must remedy soon!!) But, here are a few of Meagan and Shanon with the kids.