Wednesday's Winning Words: The cure for temper tantrums

I am not even kidding, y'all, I have found. the. cure.  I have a guaranteed method for bringing 2 year olds and 6 year olds alike, out of a full-blown, mid-scream, tears-down-the-face, I-hate-the-world-when-I-don't-get-my-way temper tantrum.  It's 5 simple words:  "What does the fox say?"

I don't know if you have heard that song, What Does the Fox Say?  but if you have not, you MUST immediately drop everything and check it out.  If you have small children, have them watch with you.  It is awesomely bad to adults, but once a kid hears it, it is kryptonite to the common temper tantrum.  Now, to be truly effective mid-hissy fit, you must say it loudly, in the rhythm of the "music" and then be prepared to say what the band says the fox might say (or some variation thereof).  Because, well, that's the best part to a child.  Silly dancing helps too, but that should come as no surprise.

You are welcome.

If, by chance, you are as enraptured by this Swedish group and want to hear more, like a certain part-Swedish person I know and happened to be married to, a great deal of entertainment (although NOT for kids) was derived from Meaning of Stonehenge.

Wednesday's Winning Words

Sometimes we just dig in our heels when it comes to our kids.  And sometimes, it's not the right time to do it, but it's done so you can't go back.  You KNOW you know what I'm talking about.  So, yesterday was the day that my husband decided that Justus needed to watch the news in the morning, rather than whatever cartoon he wanted to watch (like he does every. other. day).  Yep, yesterday....the day after the EF-5 tornado reigned down and destroyed Moore, Oklahoma.  The day that the news was still talking about 24 children missing and 91 people dead.  That was the day he thought Justus needed to watch and learn about what was going on in the world.  Now, I agree that it's not a bad idea for kids to watch the news from time to time and I even understand that he was wanting to watch it, so for Justus to change the station would have meant that he couldn't keep up with what was happening. 

What neither of us was thinking about at the time is what that meant for me in taking Justus to school that morning.  It is a short one-mile trip from our house to where I drop him off for school.  Usually, it's a mile filled with whatever song Justus wants to listen to, and made up stories of Jedi Knights or warrior ninjas.  Yesterday, it was literally one of the most excruciating one-mile trips of my life.  So many questions, and because of our "daily grind," so little time.

"Mommy, did God make the tornado that destroyed all those homes in Oklahoma?"

 

"Mommy, why did God let all those people get killed?"

"Mommy, did you see that there are still 24 people they can't find?  Are they under all that trash?  Why did God do that?  Did he just mess up and make a mistake?...."

With the little bit of time I had, we talked about God's plan and how we don't understand it but have to have faith in it and you have to see Him in the aftermath rather than in the midst of the tragedy.  But seriously, how do you get a 6 year old to buy into that?  You would think, having experienced the death of a parent at his very same age, and somehow finding my way back to God, that I could explain these things to him.  I have never felt more useless as a parent.  All I could do after he left the car, seemingly satisfied with my answers, was get teary and pray that God would provide me with the words to answer and comfort my child(ren) when these horrible tragedies, which seem to occur all too often these days, happen and strike his heart.  I wanted to sit and talk with him for however long it took to get him to understand, but maybe the beauty of the moment was that is was just that--a moment.  One brief chance to hit the overall theme and then let him go on his way and either think about it more or not.  How much more explanation would have sunk in anyway?  I am certain had I had more time, it would have been much too overwhelming or he would have just tuned out. 

There are so many tough parenting moments and often, like yesterday, they just strike out of nowhere.  We want to be able to make the most of a teaching moment, but it's just not always possible.  Let us understand that, not beat ourselves up about it, and continue to do the best we can.  After all, we are all just fine and we know our parents didn't always have the right answers...

Wednesday's Winning Words: Parental Advisory Warning

Justus got his first "incident report" from Kids Klub (school district after school program) last Friday.  On the one hand, I am shocked and thrilled that it took him until March to obtain said report. On the other, I'm a little floored at the nature of the report.  It lends itself to both an opportunity to share a funny story and ask for input from my parent friends.

So, Friday, the Kids Klub counselor approached me with her duplicate form report and said, "Ms. Royal....we had a little incident today.  Justus said the word penis."  She practically whispered it.  I think my response was displeasing to her because when I simply said "ok," (as if to say, "and?") she said, even more hushed, "and other kids heard him." The horror.  I am certain my response at that point was displeasing because as I *kindly* took the report and signed it and gave her back her yellow copy while retaining my white one, I said "Here's the thing:  We teach actual names of body parts in our family because if someone were to, heaven help them, go all Jerry Sandusky on my kids, I want them to be able to report to the authorities what ACTUAL body part was impermissibly affected without using the cute-sy, less offensive, pet name for said body part.  Why did he say PENIS?  Was he injured there? Was it hurting him?  What would you prefer he call it?  Never mind, I will just teach him that at Kids Klub, he must point to it and call it his private part because that is deemed less offensive.  I'm sorry if other kids heard him, but they do in fact have them and I doubt they've never heard it before."  Visibly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken, she went on to nervously tell me that "It's not a Kids Klub-appropriate word."  Noted.  About that time, Justus walked up, and knowing that he had a playdate scheduled for that night, had a sad look on his face and asked me if he was in trouble.  I told him that no, he was not in trouble for calling a body part exactly what it is!

Now, before you get all worked up about us allowing our child to walk around saying "penis" at his discretion, we did discuss why he said it and that it was probably an unnecessary part of the conversation.  We also talked about the public's general sensitivity to the word and how, although he wasn't in trouble with us for using the word, we would prefer that he only use it when necessary.  Also, we clarified that he would be in trouble if it happened again at Kids Klub or school because now we know it is a rule that he should not say it there.  The trouble would be for not following the rules. 

And for the record, he does not go around just talking about it. 

But, this all raises a question--do you believe that young elementary-age kids (K-2nd) should have alternate names that are "more appropriate" for their "private" body parts or do you teach your kids the real name.  Either way, what is your reason?  Clearly, I have an opinion, but I definitely want to hear different people's perspectives on the issue.

Wednesday's Winning Words: Teen hormones are awesome

 

 

Today's entry of winning words comes to you from *Joe.

 

From our local paper's daily front page short:

 

Like my friend, Dana, said:  "aaahh, spoken like a true walking hormone."  How old do you think this kid is?  14?  15?  I would LOVE it if my kid did this.  I would immediately cut it out of the paper and save it to share with him when he turns 30....and just stand back and watch as the horror washes over his face when he recalls such a damn-I-am-so-awesome moment.  Yeah, because I'm that kind of mom!  Don't ya just love teenagers?!?

This begs the question--do you recall some moment in your quest for adulthood where you thought you were being awesome, and now upon reflection, it is an immediate palm-to-forehead moment with a resounding "Why?" in the background?

*As in Joe Cool. Someone get this kid a Camel Light. I don't remember what his name is and I cut it off so as not to...well, I don't really know why. I mean, it was on the FRONT PAGE of the local newspaper.

Wednesday's Winning Words: Manners

We are from the South.  A few things are critically important to our existence as good Southerners:  having good sweet tea, supporting high school and college football, and teaching our kids to use good manners.  Ok, maybe a few other things too, but this is a pretty good list.  Delaney is almost two now (Literally.  In three weeks.  I still can't believe it!), so we have been working on the manners part.  Never too young to start, right?  She is totally good with Please ("Peas) and Thank You ("tank you, mama") and generally even uses them at the appropriate times on her own.  So, we're moving on.  Of course, with her being almost two, we have hit the bumpy road of "NO!" and "MINE!"  I definitely don't do everything right in the life of parenting, but I try to model the desired behavior as often as possible.  So, we've been saying "No, Ma'am" to Delaney when she does something she's not supposed to or gets into something she should be leaving alone.  We believe in encouraging the use of "ma'am" and "sir" when talking to grown ups.

As a result, when she doesn't like something I'm doing or is feeling particularly argumentative, she now says (very assertively), "NO, ma'am, Mommy!"  At least she's polite about it, right?!

What I love most is when she says "No, ma'am, Daddy" or "No, ma'am, Buzz"....and the list goes on.  We haven't quite moved on to distinguishing "ma'am" and "sir".  Baby steps.  She will be a great Southern Belle, one day!

Raising an Olympian

Like many people I know, we've been watching a lot of Olympics in our house lately (or "the sports movie" as Justus calls it).  I've always loved the Olympics, but for some reason this year, I have been more emotional as I watch.  Maybe it's the P&G commercials as an ode to moms.  Well played P&G. Well played.

Anyhow, all this Olympics business has gotten me thinking about the quality of character we are seeing, for the most part, from our Olympians.  And to take it a step further--makes me want to be sure I am raising Olympians.  Now, let me be clear:  every fiber of my being knows that my kids can do anything they want to if they try, but I have no expectation that they become *actual* Olympians (but it would be pretty awesome if they did!). What I mean by raising an Olympian is that I want my children to have the work ethic, drive and character I see in so many of these athletes we are watching.  I'm a huge fan of competitive sports as it is, but I've always said I would never push my kids into it if they weren't interested.  So then, the question becomes how do make sure they learn the valuable lessons of competition?  Better yet--competition at the highest level on the world's biggest stage?

Examples:
Jordyn Weiber--defending world champion in women's gymnastics, finishes 4th overall at qualifying, but she fails to qualify for the individual all-around (accepts 24 ladies, I think) because of a crappy rule that only 2 from each team can compete.  How does she respond?  Tears, of course.  Then she pulls herself together, gives her interview with nothing but positive things to say about her team.  She helps them to win gold, and is there as the loudest cheerleader for her two teammates that did get to compete in the all-around.  Class act on so many levels!

Oscar Pistorius --South African runner.  He has worked and worked, like so many to get to this level and then is accused of having an advantage because instead of legs, he has these "blades."  He undergoes rigorous testing to prove that, in fact, his lack of real human legs is not an advantage because some "able-bodied" schmucks were pissed they were being beat by a guy with a disability.  His point--if it were an advantage, don't you think there would be more of us doing this?  He did the testing, which was very difficult, so he could continue to compete at the level he worked to reach.  He ran in the semifinals of his event!  The winner of the semifinal race had so much respect for Oscar that after the race, he asked to trade race bibs with Oscar.  Gave me chills!

Michael Phelps--of course we could go on and on about his many accomplishments (but NBC has beaten that horse pretty well), and while I was disappointed with how dissatisfied he looked at getting a silver, I admired that, in his press conference, he said there were no excuses for not getting the job done and that he basically just needed to let it go and focus on what races were left.  Mental focus at its best.

There are undoubtedly thousands more stories like these amongst the Olympic athletes, coaches, families and others.  Whether my kids play a day of competitive sports or not, I want them to know:

**Your dad and I will always be your biggest fans!
**You will lose.  Do so graciously.
**You will win.  Do so graciously.
**Hard work is the root of success (but raw talent helps).
**Ambition can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
**Don't assume you can't do something.  Just try it.
**The easy road is usually very short and goes nowhere good.
**You recognize other people's efforts and contributions to your success.  Your fiercest competitor pushes you to be better.  Acknowledge that about him or her.
**Yes, there will be hard days and you will get through them.
**Ask for help.
**Mental focus is essential.  Keep your eye on the goal and don't be distracted by shiny objects.
**Don't worry about everyone else and what they are doing.  Just think about doing your best.
**If you are doing your best, you will never be disappointed in yourself, only in a negative outcome.  That is a lot easier to face in the morning after.

I don't always very rarely have the right words in the right moment, but I hope that in the midst of our kids' many successes and failures, they will always feel our support and pride in them.  When I watch the Olympics now, I look at look at the parents in the stands who sacrificed so much so their children could train at the best facilities in the world, travel to competitions, get new uniforms and gear, etc.  I want my kids to know we would do anything to help them be successful at whatever they want to invest their energy into, but there's so much more to it than what we can do to help.  How do you teach sportsmanship and motivation to children?  Or do you?  Do you just let them learn the hard way?  Or see what they latch onto as an interest?  Of course, all of this teaches them to be better people, not just better athletes or competitors.  I think the question then becomes this--God, will you please help me to identify teachable moments and use them wisely, so that I can raise children in your image, who grow to do amazing things in this world you have entrusted to us?

So, Olympians they will be!!

Once I get this parenting thing figured out...

If you are raising an Olympian or have raised one, I'd love to hear what you did special that contributed to their Olympian status.